What I Learned from Stacey
Posted March 31, 2008 by Margie Zable FisherThanks to all of you for your heartfelt wishes during Stacey’s difficult fight against cancer.
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Stacey and Zoe last year in Marco Island, FL |
Here is what I learned from Stacey:
My sister-in-law Stacey was always larger than life. Literally. She was a big girl, with a big personality. Always running to meet friends and do stuff. It’s not fair that Stacey was taken from us at 39. How can someone so much larger than life not be alive?
The last time I saw her was a day before her passing. She was a shell of herself, skinny and in constant pain. I remember her telling me a few months before that she had always wanted to be thin. But not this way.
Throughout her sickness, Stacey and I got closer. It’s not that she needed more friends. No one had more friends than Stacey. It’s something I asked her about the day before she passed. “How do you have so many friends?” I asked, hoping to learn her secret. But she was in too much pain to answer.
When I called or visited, there were always friends with Stacey, at home or during one of her frequent hospital stays.
I have had time to think about it, and I think I know why Stacey had so many friends.
It’s because she was a friend, a good friend, to everyone around her. I remember, even during her sickness, her friends would call, and she would be offering advice and a sounding board.
Her way of being will live on. Her ability to reach out and be a friend. I always called her the mediator, because she couldn’t stand it if people she loved, friends or family, were fighting or didn’t get along. She was always trying to get people to love each other.
That’s why it was so easy to love her.
My daughter and Stacey’s niece, Zoe, at four and a half, is too young to understand any of this. She still asks about her grandpa Bob and we’ll tell her that he and Stacey are together in heaven.
Zoe loved her Aunt Stacey and Stacey loved Zoe. Stacey often said that Zoe was just like her, with lots of friends and the desire to have people around her all the time.
I agree. Stacey will live on in our memories, and through Zoe’s love of life, friends and family. And that’s the most important thing.
It’s something that Stacey and Zoe teach me every day.
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My heartfelt condolences on the loss of a wonderful person. Life is always harder on the living….Thank you for sharing about your wonderful sister in law. Let’s all Live Large now so that we’re missed in the same way.
Margie, my heartfelt condolences. Stacey sounds like a wonderful person and I’m sorry for your loss. Sounds like you have good memories and I hope Stacey passed knowing that her support of your business is making it possible for a lot of other people to pursue their dreams. Sincerely, dM
Margie:
Thank you for such a wonderful post.
I know this must have been difficult to express your feelings during a time of so traumatic loss.
Within the past two weeks I, too, have attended TWO funerals.
Only through the emotional intimacy that my wife and I share am I now able to begin to manage my grief and sorrow.
My outpouring of emotion and grief to my wife has strengthen our relationship together as I’ve discussed many thngs with her that I had kept inside.
My wife also had cancer, and thank God we can count her among the living survivors of this terrible disease.
My wish for you is to find compassion and understanding to help manage your loss.
And my prayers for Stacey’s peace with God.
With my most heartfelt regards.
Bill Kisse
Dear Margie,
You and I have communicated about Stacey over the past months, and I’m so sorry to hear of her passing.
My kid brother Bobby died of cancer in 1984, at the age of thirty. And, like Stacey, he, too, was always surrounded by people, always giving more than he asked in return, and always making them laugh…even when he was dying. Like the effect Sacey is laready having on you, Bobby is still with me every day. When things like this happen,; it reminds me of a song (I think, from “Rent”), called “Borrowed Angels.” Sometimes in life, we are blessed to have very special people walk among us. And, sometimes, they are taken from us way too soon. But, if we allow ourselves to be touched by these special people, we will have the privilege of carrying them with us forever.
It sounds very much like Stacey was such a person, Margie. And I’m sure she will walk with you - and Zoe - for the rest of your lives. And one day, in a few months, when the clouds break and the sun c omes out, you will smile again - as Stacey would have wished.
Good luck to you and your husband, Margie. I’m sure you’ll all be OK.
Steve
Steve Winston
President, STRATEGICOM
(561) 487-6824
winyou@bellsouth.net
Dear Margie,
Thank you for sharing your story about Stacey. My prayers are with your family and Stacey’s large circle of friends. I agree 100% that Stacey understood that friendship means to BE a friend first - to reach out to others - to make the effort to stay connected eyc. I am married to someone like that - and I’ve always said he is ‘larger than life’ too. He has always made the effort for his friends, organizing gatherings etc… It is the generous love of people that makes someone like Stacey so special and brings so much happiness to others. I am very sorry for your loss of such a loving, joyful person - may her light continue to shine in the example she set for others in how to truly be a friend!!
Thanks so much for all your beautiful comments.
Warmest Regards,
Margie